Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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