spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
