why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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