My Higher Power is John Stamos
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
