I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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