God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
