How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
