I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We have so much sex to catch up on
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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