hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
