You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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