why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
