Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
