I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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