shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
