even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
