Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize