I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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