So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize