Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
