I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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