Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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