This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
