I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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