We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
