so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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