Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
