Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
