If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize