Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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