if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize