If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
