im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
