I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can text with my tongue
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
