I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
