im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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