Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
