I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The power of my boobs compel you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
