I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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