the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
