This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was born a porn star she said
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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