Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
false alarm, still single
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
