Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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