You can't special order awesome
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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