Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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