Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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