Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
