just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
