I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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