I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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