i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize