Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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