You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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