I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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