sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
