She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
