two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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