did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
