i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Couch. On fire.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
