1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize