Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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