Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
