she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
