I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
