Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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