I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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