Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
