highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
