I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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