Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize