I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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