i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
