We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
