I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
