if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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