I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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