remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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