Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do vagina's smell?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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