dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
