yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
