I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
