ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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