i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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