How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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