He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
