sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
