She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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