I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
