If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
