I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
