Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
