i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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