No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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