every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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