am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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