She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
