I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
