She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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