I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
