my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize