Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
