when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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