I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
