I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
