pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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