Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
