remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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