im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
