I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
