She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
