I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
