Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
