ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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