i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
