I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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